Dalawang Buwan

Aside from wearing heels and power dressing, what I had imagine when I was a kid was a far cry from what I really do as a lawyer.

I used to imagine myself arguing in court like a lawyer in American movies. Impassioned, articulate and correct.

In reality the closes that I get to the movie version is that I speak English when I address the court.

Too much passion is avoided least the show of emotion will offend the judge or will cause the other lawyers to murmur "grandstanding." Articulate can happen in 80% of the hearings but there are the 20% of the time when despite all your training in debate and your love for the fact that people listens to you, you are just lost for words. I often say the correct things but the fact that I am a two month old lawyer, I often second guess myself. Whoever said that one moot court experience will prepare you for a career as a litigator is just plain delusional!

I did not imagine myself studying for two days a provision of the RPC that I used to focus on for just ten minutes.

I did not imagine that I would consistently spend two hours of my work days drafting letters.

I did not imagine that I will actually conduct an ocular inspection at six in the morning, wearing shorts and no "ligo" dahil ang area ay masyadong maalikabok and it does not make sense to power dress for an eight o'clock hearing at six in the morning when you will end up covered in dust anyway.

I did not imagine myself telling a grown old woman that I know my law and I studied it for ten years with the intensity of a crazed woman about to stab her husband's lover. Sino ba naman hindi magagalit lelecturan ka ba naman ng law in a loud and condescending manner habang dinuduroduro ka. And that would have been OK if she were a lawyer, the lecture part, pero hindi e. Besides kahit lawyer pa sya the duro at ang pagiging condescing ah ay ibang usapan yan. Too make matters worst mainit na ulo ko sa kalaban na to dahil inaabuso ang client ko. Ako OK lang sa akin ang inaabuso ang ibang tao at hindi sila nagfafight back simply because they think it is a sensible thing to do pero yung hindi lumalaban dahil walang kakayahan, ay sorry nabubuhay ang Messianic complex ko!

I did not imagine myself becoming knowledgeable in interior design standards, geodetic engineering requirements or automotive design simply because I want to have a firm grasp of the technical aspect of the case in order to properly connect it with the legal component. This one masaya ako dahil nagkakaroon ng variety ang nalalaman at binabasa ko.

I did not imagine na maghahanap ako ng testigo sa mga liblib na lugar at umihi sa likod ng mga matataas na damo at puno dahil walang CR ang testigo.

I did not imagine na magiging OK lang sa akin na pakawalan ang isang client na willing magbayad ng walang discount na attorney's fees at pinag-aralan ko na ang kaso ng limang araw pero gusto namang ang kanyang sistema ang masusunod. In hindsight, pwede namang nag yes na lang ako sa gusto nya tutal babayaran nya naman ako pero hindi ko lang talaga kayang magyes lang ng magyes sa taong hindi naman alam kung ano ang dapat gawin more so na kung ang gusto nya ang masusunod ay talo ang kaso nya. Worst dahil aral na aral na ako alam ko na talaga kung paano patakbuhin ang kaso nya. Mahirap sa akin ang mag astang tanga kung alam ko ako ang tama at lalo na kung makakabuti sa iyo ang alam ko.

I did not imagine na hindi ko alam kung magkano ang isisingil. I usually end up charging way less than the standard fee to the chagrin of my father. I could still hear his usual dialogue. "Ano ka tig lima cinco? Ano matyag mo sa kaugalingon mo suruguon lang? Wala ka kabalo kung ano kadugay kag kabudlay ng obrahon mo. Marilitik ulo mo sina!" Rough translation: "Who do you think you are? A person selling her wares on a bargain? Do you think you are just a slave? The case that you just accepted is very complicated and will take years to litigate. Your head will explode because of that!" Well I know how complicated the cases are. I just do not know na dapat ganyan pala ang isisingil. Argh!

I did not imagine how emotionally charged my job is. Maybe if I were a legal counsel of some corporation or a legal officer III of some government agency I will not be subjected to the emotional roller coaster ride that is the range of human emotions that pass through my cubicle every day.

I did not imagine how excited I could get over some product liability case or how dejected I felt when I realized that the venue of a case of first impression is twelve hours away and the client did have the money to pay for litigation. (Kung malapit lang "legal aid" ko na lang sana yun!)

Sa martes dalawang buwan na akong abogada, Masaya kahit may mga araw na gusto ko ng umiyak sa pagod both physically and emotionally. Masaya kahit may mga araw na feeling mo ikaw na ang pinakabobong tao sa mundo at ayaw mo ng tumigil magbasa dahil hindi mo gustong hindi mo alam ang sagot sa tanong na bumabagabag sa utak mo. Masaya kahit inaaway ka ng kalaban ng client mo. Masaya kase kahit mahirap gusto mo.

I guess what I really need to learn now is to unwind dahil sabi nga ng teacher ko "Mamamatay ka ng maaga kung hindi ka marunong magrelax sa trabahong to."

Chillax.